General Thoughts

What She Doesn’t Know Will Kill You

This was an article that appeared in the UMass college newspaper, The Daily Collegian, written by Matt Brochu, dated November 21, 2003. I didn’t write this and just reposted in on my blog a long time ago. Apparently this piece gets passed around a lot and I got a ton of requests to put it back up so here it is:

You met her a few months ago, and somehow she managed to seep into your subconscious like that “Suga how you get so fly” song. Just like you have no clue who the hell sings it, you don’t know why she’s there. But she is, whether you like it or not. You know her cell phone, her room phone. You can dial her Aunt Doreen’s house in West Springfield (where she goes to do her laundry every two weeks) faster than you can peck-out 911. But she doesn’t know.

Her screenname, that generic one with her first name followed by three to five random numbers or UMass, has its own category at the top of your buddy list. Not only do you know what a “Buddy Alert” is, you’ve rigged your computer to play “Fat Guy in a Little Coat” from “Tommy Boy” every time her screen name changes from gray to black. Then her away message comes down, and you have a decision to make. To IM or not to IM? These are the ridiculous games that you play on a daily basis. But she doesn’t know.

She’s it. All right, so maybe not “it” it. Not necessarily Ms. Right, but closer to Ms. Right – up – there – with – Anna – Kournikova – and – Lizzie – McGuire – on – your – list – of – people – you’d – give – anything – to – be – stranded – with – on – a – broken – down – elevator. But it’s about more than that. When is it ever about more than that? Never. Not like frilly white dress, overpriced catering, embarrassing drunk in-laws more, but closer to UMass sweatpants, two D.P. Dough Roni Zonies, a futon and a movie you have no interest in seeing more. But she doesn’t know.

She’s gorgeous, but gorgeous is an understatement. More like you’re startled every time you see her because you notice something new in a “Where’s Waldo” sort of way. More like you can’t stop writing third grade run-on sentences because you can’t remotely begin to describe something … someone … so inherently amazing. But you’re a writer. You can describe anything. That’s what you do: pictures to words, events to words, words to even better words. But nothing seems right. More like you’re afraid that if you stare at her for too long, you’ll prove your parents right: that yes, your face will stick that way. But you wouldn’t mind.

You wouldn’t mind that the questioning, “Hello?” on the other end makes you want to smile and throw up at the same time. You wouldn’t mind worrying about what to get her for her birthday and spending $300 when you only have $17.50 and a Triple-A card to your name. You wouldn’t mind that she left your TV on and the blaring infomercials wake you up at 4 a.m. … because it gives you a chance to watch her sleep. You don’t mind that you’ve slipped up twice when you were hammered and hinted at how you feel, but she was too drunk to remember. So she doesn’t know.

Sure, she’s pretty, but it’s about more than that. You two connect. Anything you throw at her, she can throw right back. You figured out what’s going on in that predictable head of hers in under five minutes, but something tells you her heart would take about five years.

You remember everything she’s ever said to you, and when that freaks her out you blame it on your photographic memory (which is a lie, you have a 2.7 GPA). You can’t remember your teaching assistant’s name, and you can’t remember that your Puffton rent check was due four days ago, yet you remember the middle name of the kid who tripped her in fifth grade and gave her that cute little scar on her shoulder. Maybe it’s because you actually listen when she talks. When do you actually listen? Never. But she doesn’t know.

But she has a boyfriend. The kid is a tool, and you are not. He has no redeeming qualities, and you have about 38, even when you’re hung over. You could kick his butt, and you’ve never been in a fight in your life. He treats her like crap, and you would treat her like the princess she believed herself to be on Halloween in 1988.

But she loves him. He wouldn’t know what he had even if she slapped him across the face and dumped him, but somehow she still loves him. And somehow she still doesn’t know.

Then, out of nowhere, she slaps him across the face and dumps him. She comes to you. You’ve been there before, so you seem like the smartest guy on earth. She cries, but your corny half-joke, half-compliment somehow gets a smile out of her that almost makes you feel ashamed that you’re the only one around who gets to witness it. It looks like you might make her realize that all guys don’t deserve to have rocks thrown at them.

But nothing changes. She doesn’t know. You get that library elevator feeling in your stomach that she’ll never know. You get that feeling that you’ll be forced to write a cheesy Collegian column about her that makes “Sleepless in Seattle” look like “Girls Gone Wild.”

You go to sleep. You wake up. She doesn’t know. You’re not in love. You’re not obsessed. You blame it on the fact that you just need to get some, but still, it’s about more than that. It would just be nice if once in your life, things worked out the way you wanted them to.

So ___________, it’s about time you know.

Now cut this out, fill in her name, and give it to her, coward. Just let me know how it works out.

64 replies on “What She Doesn’t Know Will Kill You”

i just wanted to say, as the son of god, that this is a very thoughtful article and you just won yourself a 2 free passes to heaven for you and that special someone. good job mate!

I was in this situation a few years ago and I did end up telling her. It didn’t work out because she wasn’t interested that way and “in love” with her douchebag boyfriend. If I can give a piece of advice (from experience), if you have serious feelings about a girl, just tell her. If she likes you that’s great, but if she doesn’t at least you can get it off your chest and have some closure. If she doesn’t like you that way, either way you’re not going to get with her so why torture yourself by keeping it a secret? Just tell her.

Anyway, thanks for visiting and good luck.

well… i mean its a cute story and all… but i have one complaint. Why does the girl have to be “beyond gorgeous.” i mean, why cant she just be someone who no one else would ever really look at? skinny pretty girls get all the credit for everything. “AWWW poor baby… her boyfriend treats her like crap.” what about all the girls out there who have never even had a boyfriend, who have never know what it feels like to be thought of as beautiful. of course any guy is gonna be in love with an “amazingly beautiful” girl. lol but why cant the girl with the brains, and the sense of humor, and the better personality get the sweet guy who wants to love her. that would make more of a story. tell it about the guy who wants the girl that doesnt know shes amazing. tell it about the guy that knows that the girl is more that she thinks of herself.

A guy likes a beautiful girl with a hot mean boyfriend. so what. she obviously knows she can get what she wants. …. but what about the girl who has no idea how amazing she is, and that to someone, she is the world.

Shanny, every girl is beautiful in their own way. A guy that truly loves you will see you for all the inner beauty there is. Just because a girl is “gorgeous” does not make her perfect or feel perfect. At first a guy might be interested in her for her looks but in the end they love them for who they are. Every girl is beautiful it just takes the right guy to find that beauty within.

Amen BLUC. Shanny, EVERY girl is beautiful in her own way. Every guy has a different taste. Just relax and let things work themselves out. And in the mean time don’t take things so literally. Be more optimistic about life.

I am in the same situation but she doesnt even like the guy, she just thinks no one likes her so she decided to be desperate and go out with him. I got the balls to do it, but if it screws, im f*cked up for life, no wat im saying???

It’s things like this that reaffirms my general hate of love. I’ve found myself in the exact situation, and its horrid. Every day you see that person it almost hurts, hearing how bad their treated, how they runto you with their problems. It makes you feel horrible for not being able to stop it. I want tot ell her but I’m scared, because I would rather be in the backround of her life than be without her.

i bet i can fair catch those rocks thrown at boys. i think this has happend to me a number of times that ive developed immunity to it.. crap the sarah girl was right.. ‘get the balls’ dohhh!

first, you guys have the analogy wrong for a less attractive girl. she should be the narrator, who secretly wants to be with super guy who is dating beautiful girlfriend who is a bitch and doesn’t really love him and treats him like shit.

here are some alternatives to hopelessly dreaming about miss hottie:
-lower your standards, hoping that after dating a few girls, you will have the confidence to ask out whomever you like
-masturbate to internet porn, until you get bored and have no other choice but to face the reality that is talking to girls
-take a cold shower, because even masturbating to internet porn won’t satisfy your infinite sexual impulse

How do you become such good friends with someone and over time you in turn love them deeply. It is not a feeling of infactuation but rather love. You want to spend every moment with her and when you leave her side, it kills you. What if she feels the same, unspoken truth, but you only find out you have been living in a false reality. In truth, she will never love you as much as you can put forth in loving her. Then what do you do when you can’t get over it?

i think this is a very cute thing. and i dont think beautiful means shes absolutely the hottest girl ever. i think that falling for someone your close to happens, but if you let the opportunity fade, it will be gone forever. tell the girl how she feels, so she might not feel the same way. its happened to me, i didnt feel the same way but i’m still good friends with the guy. not every girl is going to drop you out of her life just because she doesn’t feel the same way.

i was the girl in this situation not to long ago. It is almost as stressful for a girl as it is for the guy. Most girls will know if you like them but they wont let you know that they know because then it just makes things more confusing. especially if you dont feel that way towards your close guy friend. Girls dont want to lose some of their best guy friends. Thats the person they usually can trust the most. So guys im not saying dont tell, cause its amazing when you tell a girl, but dont get upset if she doesnt feel that way back and then stop being friends with her. If your in her life now, obviously she needs you, so dont leave her. Please dont. It hurts about as much as breaking up with a boy she loves.

Just thought i should let those boys out there know. Just keep it in mind when in this situation!

The short essay is so true. I’ve been in this situation and it totally sucks. Someone said, “have the balls to tell her”, but it’s so much more harder than that. Easier said than done. I mean, what if you told the girl and you messed up every chance you had at being good friends or anything at all. It might work, but it could totally destroy your friendship. I would rather torture myself (emotionally) and stay only “good friends”, rather than tell her of my feelings because then if she was negative towards the feelings. I might lose her forever….

There…. sounds stupid but I feel like this kind of : (

omg im in the same situation with this guy named mike….hes my everything. but i dont have the guts to tell him, plus he likes some other girl lauren. O well…. ill just have to fight to get my man back. thanks so much for writing this! SO CUTE!!! now im gonna go get my man back! much love brother

yes i was in that situation a week ago and i had been getting really depressed for about a year and a half over it and i finally just decided to lay it down. I told it like it was….got the answer every guy dreads “oh…your a great guy. but I dont deserve you… you deserve better than me…” so since i didnt want to return to depression i just ended the friendship right there and so far i have felt the best ive felt in years
so in response to Jared above:
i kno exactly how you feel and yes it was very hard to finally tell her but man….torturing yourself emotionally is not worth it.
so what if im not going to see her ever again. the human mind and heart is an amazing thing. To use an over used expression “there are plenty of fish in the sea.” its corny but true just because it seems that RIGHT NOW there is no one else for you doesnt mean that there never will be anyone else
the truth will set you free…always

I feel the way that they guy feels in this essay. The big difference is that….after having the same type of lengthy debate period that some of you guys are facing, I finally told the girl that I liked. (Yes, I’m a female, too). She told me that she liked somebody else. I was quite bummed to hear that, but at the same time it was a huge load off of my shoulders just to finally tell her, than to ambivalently worry in my mind forever about the “justwhatifs” if I told her. And you know, I’m glad I did, even though it was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make.
The other part of it is that the guy that she likes, is NOT a “bad-jerky” kind of guy. Not a bad guy for her and not a bad guy by any means. They get along great, and the person I like and myself are still friends and hanging out – and that means the world to me! – but the hardest part about it is just ACCEPTING that she really clicks with someone else, and he clicks with her….not just realizing it, but accepting it, and moving on. This article really connected deeply with me. Thanx for reposting it.

i think this story was pretty good. IT shows how a guy should treat a girl. Not just use her. The guys that do that seriously are so stupid and pointless to be with and girls willl find out what they are like. So if your one of those guys then change.

I thInk girls feel like this sometimes 2 about boys. they think they cant tell the guy b/c the guy might say no. Or b/c other guys will make fun of him if he goes out with HER! Or maybe the grl iz very pretty but shes not “popular” in her class and the guy iz! And a little advice 4 the guys tell her!?!? she might not like yoo tht way but shell still like yoo as a frendand now yoo no tht shes not the one God made 4 yOO. Maybe she will like yoo and yoo guys will be 4 ever but youll never no until yoo ask!sO juSt ASk!

hey yah this is happening to me i got the balls to ask but yet I’m still scared…I got one and a half balls yu could say…oh well i will someday

thanks man

2shay man 2shay this f*cking goes right to the heart niice niiiiiice yes there is a ladie for me and yes i am with her right now but still i just feel like she duznt like me sumtimes u know wut im tlking booouuut and one more thing josh from like march 4th man thats just f*cked up u only have 1 and a hlaf balls dude thats just not right man i feel bad and u sed u had the balls to tlk to her but yet u still dont that means u have no balls

i can relate to this almost perfectly. i met a guy last year or so, and we became best friends. told each other everything, spent a ton of time together, worked through and pulled through, together. it was an incredible relationship, made me feel so safe, and i fell for him, hard. now, i’m not ugly, but just an average looking girl, and when we first started talking, he liked me. but we got to know each other too well, so it just became a best friendship. and when i fell for him, he didn’t know. and for awhile i couldn’t tell him, but eventually i had to, only because we were so close. and he knew everything about me-except my true feelings. so i sucked up the courage (it does take ballssssss, people). and he understood. we remained friends for a little longer, but it was awkward. now, we just slowly got distant, and i’d try to talk to him, but he doesn’t seem like he wants me in his life. hardest thing ever. but i didn’t want to regret not telling him.

I told her…and she didn’t feel the same way. She’s still with her loser boyfriend and my heart has been broken ever since. But the feeling is better than when I was holding it in, debating whether or not I should tell her.

im going through this right now and its killing me. dying to tell her but can’t. she has a boyfriend. for all i know he could be a good bloke. i want her, but thats life innit. i think telling her could make the friendship a little awkward and id rather have her as a friend than nothing at all.

I know now…….and it is killing me.

I got this article exactly a year ago from someone….my friend. And he has made me the happiest girl in the world since then. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. He is the sweetest guy i have ever known. This article started the best year of my life. It was in Thailand where we first met. He’s an exchange student in my university. It didnt take long for us to be friends. We connected right away. And then things happened just like in the article. He liked me and i never knew. One day he just showed me this and didnt say anything. I appreciated everything he did. Not long after that…we got closer and closer….next thing i know….i fell for him. We had so much fun together. We had so many fights just like other couples too but it didn’t mean anything. Our relationship is stronger than that. We have been thru all the good times and bad times together. I love him more than i can put it into words. But every story has its end and it is not always happy endings. For some reason…we just cant be together. He has his own dream and he has to follow it. I am on the other side of the world. All i can do is to support him and wish him all the best. This is the last thing i can do for him….letting him go. I know he loves me and i love him even more. I know now and it is killing me….

Always yours

Things work out in the end. Friends make better lovers.

I was with one guy for three years. My best friend, Kev, has always been there for me. He was even the guy telling me to just stick it through with my then boyfriend. I read this article about 2yrs ago and remembered it when I started having feelings towards my friend. We’ve always been flirty friends who didn’t take each others advances seriously so one day I figured: “If I told him how I felt–what’s the worse that could happen? We’ll always be friends.” So I told him–he felt the same. I dumped my “tool” of a boyfriend. And now, I couldn’t be happier. I say it again: Friends make better lovers; because you get to skip all that awkwardness of getting to know each other.

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