The whole “war” started because I held all the records and my roommate just wanted to pick the easiest and shortest map to knock my name off one of the records. We also did this on time trial, not the normal race modes.

Honestly I don’t even remember the times we got because it was so long ago and the GameCube wasn’t mine. But we went back and forth to a point where we’d be surprised if we beat each other’s records because we didn’t think it could be done. We were only beating each other by tenths or hundredths of a second. That’s why at the end when I beat my own record by 3 whole seconds I was shocked. Looking back, I probably should’ve posted my time but when I was making the post, I was too lazy to go downstairs, fire up the GameCube and check.

If you do the time trial on the 50cc first map really fast and enough times, eventually a ghost racer appears. I think this happens on all maps. We didn’t know what it was at first or what triggered it. I’m not talking about your own ghost that you can race against. This was a special ghost that was inserted by the game and it has a VERY good time on the map. We figured this ghost has the fastest possible time (maybe set by the game developers?). We eventually were able to outrun this ghost after enough tries so that’s why I say that whenever we set a new record it surprised us. I think we were pretty close to the fastest possible time the map could be finished.

Hey folks. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I’m Phil’s doctor and I have just diagnosed him with TDS (Terminally Deranged Syndrome). Symptoms of this disease include:

1- Spending excessive energy on a pointless game.
2- Trying to beat one’s own record while being fully aware that there is no real prize and no true victor.
3- Wasting an insane number of hours on this “goal,” completely neglecting more important things like presentations and projects that actually DO hold consequences on one’s life.
4- Thinking that being the champion of Mario Kart is a goal worth striving for.

Thus, ladies and gentlemen, I conclude my analysis of our dear Phil Huang. If anyone of you have experienced these symptoms, please report to your local clinic. Treatments will most likely include:

1- Strapping the patient in an strait jacket and immediately handing them over to the proper authorities.
a) If you do not suffer from TDS, you will not struggle and continue on happily to the local asylum.
b) If you do suffer from TDS, you will not struggle and continue on happily with a smile on your face to the local asylum.

The most recent treatment is still in its developmental stages, which includes:

1- Knocking the patient on the temple with a hammer.
2- Knocking the patient on the temple with a rock.
3- Knocking the patient on the temple with a boulder.

If all else fails, then all is lost. Just send the patient to the local sanitarium and let them rot in an empty, white, padded room for the rest of their lives. Don’t worry about your loved ones; it’s fun in there. Really.